Image Description: A cracked face of a statue
One of the hardest parts of having a learning disability is when people, view it as a character flaw that needs to be fixed. Rather than celebrate the differences I have, people want to cure me. Many people have viewed my difficulties with math, handwriting, and not being able to drive as weaknesses that I need to overcome.
My handwriting is one area that others judge as a character flaw. My penmanship has been called messy, sloppy and interesting. I had a teacher who told me judging by handwriting, my room must be a mess. My childhood room was messy, but it was not because of my handwriting. I have also had others who told me that I had the handwriting of a serial killer. Despite interventions my handwriting is simply not legible I cried my way through the Handwriting without Tears Curriculum. I also had people who told me if I wanted to be a writer, I would have to be neat. To do this day, I have yet to have an editor that wants a piece handwritten. Shame did not help me write neatly, but learning how to type was a game changer. Finally, people could understand what I was saying! I am not against teaching handwriting, but when it is not working for a student then look for different options.
My math difficulties have also been viewed as a character flaw. I have people who did not view me as smart, because I struggle with math. Few people have heard of Dyscalculia, a math learning disability. I have had others tell me doesn't everyone struggle with that or offer educational classes. I have tried taking math classes, but the results are minimal. Others think that I am lazy when I cannot read the face of a clock or have not memorized my math facts. The students I work with as a para educator, know not to ask me to help them with their math. I can read the numbers and the questions but cannot explain the problem. Using a calculator is also of limited assistance. I can put the numbers in but have often got answers wrong. I am simply not able to understand the process of how numbers work.
I have also been judged on not being able to drive. Many people think I could drive if I really wanted to. People have offered cures of glasses, but the issue is in my brain not in my eyes. I struggle with reaction time and coordinating the functions of driving. I have people who have thought not driving was due to a phobia. However, it is not an issue of overcoming irritational fears. I have legitimate concerns of hurting others or myself, if I drove.
I also had a person who shamed me for not driving. She told me Shame on you for not driving. This woman thought I could that I drive if I wanted to but chose simply to ride with my parents. She then told a story of a man who would not drive because he did not want to be away from his mother.
I also once had another person that told me that I was lucky that I did not have to drive. Little did this person know of the jobs I had to refuse, because it required driving or a license. I have also had to miss out on social events, if I did not have a ride. Thankfully I have a wonderful support system with my husband, friends and family, that can take me places. I also live in a central location where I can also walk, if I cannot get a ride.
I am no longer ashamed of having a disability. I simply have to do things differently, then others who do not have one. I need to type instead of writing things by hand when possible. Others can understand what I have to say when I type it, rather than hand write it. I may not be able to do math, but I am good at other things such as reading and writing. I cannot drive but I can get a ride or walk to where I need to go. I do not view it as a character flaw or something that needs to be fixed. Having one is simply a part of me, and I need to find different ways to learn and live.